Lesson Learned

I don't want to hold back in anything.
I sometimes feel like my time right now in life is the time that I will look back to in the future and yearn for. Like everyone says, these are the best years. Supposedly. I am trained to believe this after hearing it repeated so many times. I don't want this to be a time where I hold back, because I know in the future I'll regret it. I used to want to hold back in love so I wouldn't get hurt: hold back in life, just to avoid the pain it can bring. But I'm realizing that that pain is exactly what makes life what it is. What is the good in holding some of yourself back in a relationship? If you put everything out there, on the line, then you are set up to get ripped to shreds, but if you don't and you hold back, you don't risk a thing. You're safe in your little bubble of loneliness. But at least you're not hurting. But are you really feeling anything?
So I'll take the hurt that comes along with love, because what also comes with it is happiness. Just the bare naked feeling of happiness. And I think that is worth the risk.
And I'll take the falls that come with giving this life my all, because as far as I know, this is the only chance I'll get and I want to make the most out of my one shot.
I don't want to settle anymore. For just what is in front of me. I want to try harder, dig deeper, and learn and thrive and become the person I am supposed to be. I have sat around for enough of my life putting some effort into it, but not as much as I could have. For the most part, I am satisfied with my life. But I want to be more than satisfied. I want to be able to listen to the song Time by Pink Floyd when I am older and be able to say I did not miss the starting gun. I may have staggered a bit, and I may be behind some of the other runners, but I'm ready for this race now, and I will catch up, and I may even win.
Whenever I hear that song I picture myself listening to it when my life is behind me, and it depresses me. But it shouldn't. I should be able to look back on my life at its close and be happy about my time on this Earth, and I hope to do that. I've been "waiting for someone or something to show [me] the way" for far too long. Thanks Pink Floyd for being the one to show me, before it was too late.